Friday, September 12

Today I was granted an invite to the Pi Kappa Epsilon “formal” dinner at the Spaghetti Factory. After growing more comfortable with reliving my day as an undergrad, I decided to rush several fraternities, partaking in such activities as mechanical bull riding, a few felonious activities I’d rather not mention, panty raiding and various competitions involving beer helmets. I’m guessing it was my exhibited skills with beer that wowed the brothers of “Pike”, as they are known. I drank 2.8 Liters of beer from the utter of a rubber cow in one minute, 29 seconds and only spilled two ounces (I too was amazed by how accurately they tracked this stuff, but I’ve learned that fraternity selection has become increasingly more competitive). Anyhow, they were impressed to say the least, especially after I won the dance contest that immediately followed the “Utterly Utter Suck.” The matrix move is still my bread and butter—and the brothers want to learn it. Now I’m invited to the “formal” dinner. I can’t wait to eat the Neapolitan ice cream.